Growing up our friends were our everything. They were almost as important to us as family or loved ones. They knew our secrets and were always there for us and vice versa. But what happens when as you get older and outgrowing your friends becomes a thing?
The funny thing is never really thought about our friends no longer being our friends when we’re young. We’d have all these plans to do this or that. Take a trip here or party all night there. And for the most part it was true, but what happens when you change, but your friends don’t?
We like to think we choose our friends carefully. People with similar interests and beliefs like us. Sometimes our friends are complete opposites of who we are and we love them for that.
Every weekend we were at the clubs and bars hanging out; catching games or playing sports. And as you get older those things are no longer the focal point in your life. You have careers, families, bills etc. to deal with and all the free time you use to have to hang out has disappeared faster than your teenage son’s dinner.
Some times you evolve with your friends and instead of taking shots at a bar you’re at each other’s kid’s birthday party. But what happens when you have friends that perhaps have that Peter Pan complex and never want to grow up. You know what happens, you start outgrowing your friends that haven’t left the party scene.
And don’t get me wrong, outgrowing your friends isn’t fun, but it’s a necessity. Sure you can keep in touch and act like you’re still buddy buddy, but you’re being cordial more than anything else.
I’m not sure how outgrowing friends works or how it starts. Maybe you’re tired of them only sending nude pics of women in the group chats or them telling you the latest gossip or tea on so and so. As you get older there has to be a point where you recognize what once was so important is an after thought. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Change is part of life. It happens whether we like it or not. Some times change is good, other times not so much. You can’t stop change anymore than you can stop the weather.
When you have a family your time is limited to making sure they’re taken care of. The kids have to be at practice or you have to run to Home Depot with the wife to pick out paint for her latest weekend project.
And just because someone is married that doesn’t mean they’ve changed as well. They could be married but still only think about sleeping with people or getting drunk and that is who there are. Doesn’t mean that is who you are now.
Some friends who you were so close with, you now see who they really are. They were so cool with you because they needed you or something from you and once they didn’t need that thing they’re not around as often. And growing as a person is learning to recognize who is truly there for you as a friend and not there for their sole benefit.
We love to think that are friends from our teens and 20’s are going to be with us for the rest of life, but this isn’t a fairytale. It’s better to have a solid core of friends you can rely on and don’t need to see every weekend or talk to every day. The ones that understand that life is different for everyone, but they’re willing to fit in when they can.
Life is a puzzle and sometimes those pieces change or no longer fit where they once did. It happens. Outgrowing your friends is never fun, but you have to keep moving forward and somethings are better left behind. You can learn that the easy way or the hard way. Either way you’ll have to do what is best for you.
Image by Freepik
